Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
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12:02 am - very merry
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Monday, October 8th, 2007
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12:40 am - new games
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Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
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8:16 pm - And So He Returns...
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Wow. I have an LJ. I'm gonna use this more often. I need to start writing things down more.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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4:21 pm
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id like you to know that your actions in coming through with your word was an honorable decision. thank you ryan. thats really going to help out around here.
sincerely.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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2:29 pm
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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4:30 pm
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jesus.
all i wanted was for you to consider my advice and be on your way.
at least consider. too much to ask i suppose for someone who held onto thier principles while his friends turned into everything he hated around him.
i suppose you are all right in your own aspect. maybe i truly am deluded and have a bent sense of reality. but is reality not what you make it? is reality the same for everyone? i seriously doubt anyone who says yes to this question. that would mean everyone saw the world through the same eyes. and im sorry if seeing the world by my own view is wrong or what have you. sincerely i just wanted to see if the people i knew...hell 3 or 4 months ago could ever see themselves doing the things they are now. and if your fine with that then blessed be your path, whatever it might be. i wish noone harm.
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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1:05 pm - downward expectations
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once again the people i would commonly refer to as my "friends" have been tested by the things i have tried to set them up to be able to protect themselves against. its common fucking sense. do not get wrapped up in the physicality of existense because that is where you become corrupt unkowingly. ive tried with some of you for six to seven years and i used to think that you were right there with me. that we could hold against temptation. you have fallen into a pit where you are unaware of your actions against your former self. and i am here to slap you back into conciousness. I USED TO HAVE FAITH IN YOU. do these things mean nothing to you anymore. will you use the excuse "people change" and im just supposed to let it fucking happen? live and let live? fuck you for insulting me like that. i am not just going to let it happen. if something is changing for your disadvantage you fight to change it. i have a few questions and comments for the audience.
1.) how did that pill feel sliding down you throat? (your no better than your brother now)
2.)was her kiss as sweet as the first self-made oathbroken girls? (oaths mean nothing when constantly broken. you are in the essence of the word weak.)
3.)was that moment worth a year to your true lover. (i used to want you. your mistakes make you look defiled.)
this is not a war of arms, but of spirits.
i wish for those who have stood next to me, holy shields locked against this plauge, to be truly blessed.
i truly value all of your lives and hope we will stay standing together fighting this war. you have proved to me countless times that humans have a potential completely untapped by that of common man. and i hope that you keep fighting regardless of your physical surroundings. your souls are not weak. you shant perish in the upcoming battle.
to those of weaker persuasions. this is the shit i was talking about. sure there may be war and hunger and plauge later. but its hitting now on a spiritual level and if you dont beleive me then fine, ive tried as hard as i can to make you listen. i wish you well, but if actions are not taken to preserve yourself and others than you WILL be consumed.
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(55 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, May 21st, 2005
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4:41 am - what the fuck is going on...
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Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
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7:29 pm
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there is so much going through my head right now. magic, roleplaying, exodus, our house, my non-existent job, jessica, school, all my creativity in everything i do is ravaging around inside my skull. whew. i read about malcom x for the first time the other day. i think im going to buy his autobiography. from what i read i really agree with his post-conversion philosophies about defending yourself/race/religion/belifs. me and grandpa john talked for a couple hours about standing up for yourself/race/religion/beliefs and that if you are not willing to take action eventually youll be overrun by something else. and that trying a peaceful approach is honorable but if it dosent work that one should not be afraid of taking a violent one. if it takes fists or blades or bullets to defend yourself/race/religion/beliefs that its ok. because there is always someone who will resort to that and as long as there is that one and the others are peaceful the one will win. its human nature to use violent action if pushed too far. and to turn away from that is to abandon our futures. to try to become something "greater" that what we are is foolish. you cannot hide your humanity. as long as you live you are a human. there is no getting away from that. any actions taken by someone are always in thier own self-interest. about how there is good and bad kinds of greed. hunger causes you to eat. thats greed. but, hoarding more than you can eat, so that others go hungry is the wrong kind of greed. and this country is overwhelmed with it. how materialism is nothing but a lifetime of distraction. how this greed distracts all from thier true focus. truth. ones absolute knowing. truth is changable. i can change someones truth. anyone has the power to change someones truth. have honor in your race. everyone. not just white power. black power. hispanic power. arabic power. phillipino power. european power. whatever. take pride in what you are and dont be afraid to resolve conflict. thats what runs our existense. conflict. 
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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7:09 pm
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well i have absolutely nothing to do. but worry. the loan my family applied for was disapproved. so we have 30 days to find somewhere to live. and i am bored off my ass because there is nothing to do. my stomach is turning in on itself. i dont want to move. this is MY house. MINE. fuck
wir fecked.
its not so bad...it could be a lot worse.
fuck homework.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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12:37 pm
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Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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11:19 pm
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conclusion from the past few days thoughts: ive reached the point where i have to stop being childish and selfish and grow the fuck up. and that includes abandoning my so-called desire to help save anyone. ive lied to myself to the point where i believe that the people that can be saved already have been. and that my pathetic excuse for life will have no effect on those who are not saved. and i am becoming fine with this. its time for me to abandon my morals and just accept the circumstances with which i have been born into. and i guess ill end up working here in this country that isnt that bad. i mean we all have security here. even if it is at the expense of personal freedoms. and if we can just trust the government then theyll do fine.
fuck you.
i will not give.
and i see how one could think im being immature about things and its probably because i am. we start out being immature so why not advance to something more sophisticated? something more refined. something more chic. i am the kid that will not grow up. and its stereotypical that i dont care. one day ill be a man. the day i swallow my beliefs and break. ill never be a man. and by man ill apply the definition previously sponsored by "society". and they are all a part of it and want to stay that way. its ok. not my life. im not running shit anymore. im doing my best to keep those i care about happy. and if im not making some people happy by doing so then so be it. because i dont expect anyone to want to be around me. and if it comes to that then ill be fine. and ill just bebop on ahead alone. my worst fear is to be alone for the rest of my life. but when great fears are faced a new level of valor is achieved. im just here for the code. and for my life to mean something more than that of the average person. selfish. dont care. im more willing than them to throw everything away for it. for a legacy. to become something other than a blip. to become something with semi-permanance. so that little ones will hear of my journeys decades from now. romantic hero has been branded onto the surface of my mind since i was a wee lad.
i got nothing better to do.
lets do something noone else has.
why not.
no life plans for investments to better my lineage. they must work as hard as i will for their freedoms and happiness. no 401k's. i expect my children to take care of me. as i will them. car.horse. mansion.cabin. tractor.plow. money.trade. electricity.sunlight. kroger.forest jackdaniels.homebrewed. its not that far out there. just a lot of hard work. which people are scared of now. shuffling papers all day is not hard work. plowing a field is hard work. and i think there is something about god that shows through when one is enveloped in hard work. and if someone sees god in his computer screen then what the fuck ever.
i cant wait for when i never have to think of this shit again.
goddamn i cant wait.
current mood: looking forward to the future
current music: t.A.T.u- how soon is now
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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10:39 pm
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You are 'growing one's own food'.
You are guided by two words: 'Live simply.' You
value quality over quantity in most things, and
you have little use for the materialism and
consumerism of modern culture. You know the
value of hard work and try to be
self-sufficient as much as possible, and what
you do you do well. Unfortunately, no man is
an island, and you cannot do everything
yourself. Your puritanical work ethic makes
makes people think that you are weird, and not
much fun. Your problem is that growing one's
own food has been obsolete for a long time.
What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
...who says thats obsolete?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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9:33 pm
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shot the .40 and was pretty satisfied with it. i just need to shoot it more and get used to the trigger pull. i have been thinking more than usual lately and im pretty sure its a good thing this time. i am starting to realize that anything is possible. and that things arent concrete. as much as i hate it and want to change things i know i can do nothing because i am such an insignificant being. and that i have to find reasons to live because in this time and place i will make no diffrence. and its a shitty feeling. and i want to change things. and i want my life to matter to people 100 years from now. i want to matter to people other than those surrounding me now. i know that to matter i have to distance myself from culture and civilization. i dont want to be alone. i want a new kind of culture where things dont mean as much and there is no rules for the masses because there are no masses. and things can be simple again like they once were in tribes. this is the reason i have for myself to stay alive other than a promise. everyone has their job and everyone helps everyone else because there is a bond of a certain kind of people between them. to survive and evolve again. not to live. to be put at odds again. and be truly alive, surrounded in that which we belong, nature. and to let our spirits evolve as well as grow. and be balanced in existence through mind body and this time soul. and as much as i want the world to end i dont care either way because i will live my life the way i will regardless of the outside conditions of the world of men. the ak and the smith and wesson. the clothes that will last the longest. and a bow with some arrows. a couple blades. an axe and adze. a bunch of books on building and masonry. about 4 or 5000 rounds for the rest of my life.
and build arrows and harvest game and plants and make leather clothes. and i dont intend on never seeing my line progress. so i must find a woman with philosophies similar to mine and the thoughts on how corrupt and worthless this is. but that will be a task. one that belives in hard work and dosent want a suburbia house with all this shit in it that was bought and not made from the things we were given by god. i need to stop typing because i know im just gonna lag up people friends pages.
guess what? i dont give a flying shit. and you better fucking read this. for your own health. because i might be insane but if it does happen one of your last thoughts will be why didnt i listen to all those crazy folks. so keep an open ear.
to us. i shall live simply, without complications of this life and those who are wise will take this example and learn from it. get back to your roots.
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
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5:45 pm
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Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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12:03 am - the art of war and peace
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there will be philosophies to be rebuilt soon.
on the art of peace.
but to attain i will have to experience violence again.
i dont want to fight out of anger.
its spring again and the weather will start to warm. to where we can be shirtless and build things till we sweat our goddamn minds out. ill feel better once i have this done. im exited about this extended ass weekend. and tomarrow. i feel that i have something to live for. im starting to truly understand honor and ideals now. i hope this understanding never fails me as do so many other understandings do. the truth used to be a lie. but its becoming truth.
cant wait to kick some ass.
cant wait to build.
cant wait to love.
cant wait to live.
again.
spring will bring us all to life again.
current mood: adventurous
current music: sunday bloody sunday-evergreen terrace
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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1:08 am
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Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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11:46 pm - paladin test.
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10:57 pm - we niggaz run dis...
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maaaaaan i dont know what yall niggaz iz thinking all up inside yo head nowadays but dis summa ain gointabe anyting like las summa.
aint no way in FUCK im gonna hold daily parties like last summa.
i want erebady to do dey thing and leee me an mah crew alone.
an shit.
so iffn i want ya ill call yo ass.
peace
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
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10:38 pm - what the fuck do you think? what do i ever talk about?
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seven years, eight months, twenty days, fourteen hours and fourty four minutes.
and im still livin it up.
im real exited about friday.
and saturday and sunday.
fuckitsonlytuesday.
i saw these weird men drilling in a hole in the floor at school and there was lots of water in it and it was a weird drill.
and i dont know if it was really there.
hmmph.
im going to try and kill my abuse of the return key.
hehe.
i love all i know and hate what i dont.
love your family hate your enemy.
love your woman well.
fight for your beliefs.
eat, drink, die well.
ready for this?
current mood: the zen filled monk-samurai
current music: tatu-malchik gei
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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rollthedie's journal
